Watching “Maid” as a Survivor
When Hollywood depicts Domestic Violence(spoilers)
As a survivor of DV, I was incredibly hesitant to watch the limited series Maid on Netflix. I knew it would trigger wounds buried somewhere in my psyche. However, after participating in a group forum with fellow survivors, I decided to try it. I’m happy I did.
For the most part, the show depicted the genuine circumstances for women going through domestic violence. I felt they did an excellent job at handling the nuances that typically go into such dynamics. I also enjoyed this victorious moment for those in the community who are often disregarded and invalidated.
The issue I have with the show is that it portrays an incredibly rosy picture of survivor life. I kept waiting for the shoe to drop, and it gave me a satisfying plunge in one of the episodes towards the end, but it simply wasn’t enough. The reality of women in these situations is that it is hazardous to leave, and the fact that the main character was able to “come to her senses” on her own downplays this reality. Additionally, housing does not come so quickly. In DV shelters, you are lucky to get a bed, and this girl was able to score an entire apartment? No way.
The financial abuse aspect is authentic, but again, we often end up on the streets. After four and a half years, I’m still struggling to get back on my feet. For instance, the shelter I went to not only was a bed only, but it was in an unsafe and unhygienic living situation. Mind you, I don’t have a child, but others I’ve asked with children have had similar experiences, and it’s the same reaction.
Government aid is incredibly challenging, and I think they did an excellent job conveying this. Still, the main character was able to score eight different types of support and find subsidized housing. Unfortunately, this is not the reality for most of us. Most of us get stuck on a long list of vacant numbers. Waitlists are often 5+ years long, and sometimes living in your car is the best you can do.
The fact that the boyfriend willingly gave up custody rights? No. Often we are dealing with selfish individuals, and they refuse to bend. If someone cannot see the pain they cause, why on earth would they sacrifice their rights? It’s rare to happen. Also, restraining orders can often result in anger and death for the woman.
Now there were a lot of positive aspects in this series. Scenes depict the slithering monster that DV can be and reveal the realities of government inadequacies. However, I believe the most accuracy comes with the mother, an example of the stuckness that DV often creates.
Hope and possibility for women in this situation are the best part of the show, which I think is the most significant victory. If more medical can speak to those amid an abusive relationship and urge them to seek help, that is one of the many ways real change can occur.
I think the show does well at helping regular audiences understand DV, but that seems to be the target — familiar audiences. Did I feel seen in this show? Yes. Did I feel understood? No. However, Hollywood did a great job at creating visibility, and for that, I am grateful.
